The Engagement

In Victorian days it was necessary for a man to approach the father or guardian of his prospective fiancee before he could ask the girl herself. Nowadays many young couples announce their engagement without consulting their parents in any way. Despite this, etiquette demands that a proposal be made in the correct manner.

The man first approaches his girl and makes his proposal to her. The proposal may be made verbally or in writing, but a verbal proposal is obviously best. In some circum¬stances a written proposal is unavoidable, as in the following example:

Hurst Cottage,
Hillfield Avenue,
Barnes, S.W.13.

Rose Darling,

Before leaving for London I hoped for the opportunity of a few words with you.   However I was unlucky.

The subject on which I wanted to speak was one concerning you and me alone. Since it may be weeks before I see you again, I must try to put into writing the secret I wish to share with you. I expect you have already guessed what I am going to say, because I don't think I have been able to hide my feelings towards you. The truth is I love you, and shall pass a very miserable couple of days until you tell me whether you care for me or can give me any hope that, at some future time, you will agree to marry me. If you can answer " Yes," do so at the earliest possible moment, but if not, don't be too hasty in your decision, and give me the benefit of every doubt; in fact, give me a chance to show how great is my love for you.

If you can give me even a ray of hope, I'll do anything you wish. I'll master my impatience and wait as long as you please, and in the meantime I'll work hard to prepare a home for you.

Don't keep me waiting long for an answer, as my impatience will be almost unbearable.

Your devoted,
Robert

A Favourable Reply

Ridgmont,
Forest Hill,
Yorkshire.

My Dear Robert,

Your letter was quite a surprise, a very agreeable one, I admit, and knowing how you will be feeling about things, I wish to let you have my answer as soon as possible. It is difficult to collect one's thoughts at a time like this, and I hardly know how to put my thoughts on paper.

I must tell you frankly that, for a long time now, I have liked you and indeed thought very highly of you, and, when it became obvious that you were interested in me, I prayed I might be worthy of you. I'm glad we have known each other so long, for marriage is a big step to take.

I feel I can safely and honestly say " Yes '' to the question your letter asks.

With all my love,

Yours ever,
Rose

— and the Man's

Hurst Cottage,
Hillfield Avenue,
Barnes, S.W.13.

My Darling Rose,

Your letter has lifted such a burden from my mind. While waiting for your answer I allowed myself to get worked up into such a state of nerves that my outlook was pessimistic in the extreme. I kept on telling myself that it was impossible that you could care for me.

What a change your letter has made! Life is indeed worth living. I am the luckiest and happiest man alive! How I wish I could thank you personally for this great happiness you have given me, but unfortunately business will not allow me to leave London for some weeks yet. I shall come up to Forest Hill at the earliest possible moment, and shall count the hours until I see you again.

Write as often as you can, for I shall anxiously watch each post.

Your loving,

Robert

Providing the girl accepts, the man then approaches her father and asks his consent. Again, a personal interview is best, but a letter may be sent instead.    If the girl's father is dead, the man asks the consent of the girl's mother, or, failing that, of her guardian.

A letter asking for an interview might be worded as follows:

18 Coronation Road,
Margate.

Dear Mr. Jenkins,

You are probably aware that yesterday I asked Joan to marry me. I am delighted to say that she has said that she will be my wife, subject to your approval.

I now write to ask your consent to our engagement, and to our marriage in the near future. I am in a good position (state position, salary and prospects). I am 25 years of age, in excellent health, and can satisfy you and Mrs. Jenkins as to my character.

I expect you know that I have admired Joan for many months now. She tells me that she has loved me for some time past, so we are taking no hurried or reckless steps.

You and Mrs. Jenkins have always been so kind that I hope you will grant me an interview, when I may state my case a great deal more easily than I can in this letter.

Hoping that you will consent to our engagement. I remain,

With kind regards,

Yours very truly,

Timothy Smith

Providing that the parent is satisfied as to the man's character, financial position and prospects, and gives his consent, all is well, but even if consent is refused, the couple are still at liberty to marry.

If consent is refused, the girl must either break the engage¬ment or marry in opposition to her parents.

If she decides to marry without her parents' approval, the girl must inform them when and where the wedding is to take place. It is better for her to refuse to give a promise not to marry, than to give her word and then break it.

Although the consent of the parent is not legally necessary for the engagement, it is best to obtain it, if at all possible. If the girl is under twenty-one at the time of the marriage her parents can refuse to agree to the ceremony, and although it is possible to make an appeal to a court, this can only result in a great deal of embarrassing publicity for all parties.